Jonothon Starsmore furnaceface
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The Estate, Sidra, Glacia, Thursday Fandom Time
Jono was going to light Portalocity on fire, one of these days. Or, at least, whatever part of Portalocity had been responsible for him spending two days in the spotted dick reality (which had more to do with food and less to do with genitalia), about the span of a week stranded in the middle of a world that had been infested with fireball-spitting toothy flowers, an afternoon treading water in a shark-infested swimming pool, and, thank goodness, a waiting room fashioned entirely out of towels.

And then they'd dropped him off in the middle of Sidra, while a Glacian autumn storm kicked up.

By the time Jono finally trudged his way into the Estate, he was cold, wet, sore, slightly more charred than usual, and if biting was something he was physically capable of doing, he probably would be. The going was pretty slow when you were one of a small handful of people actually crazy enough to be out in this weather, and the few other crazy people kept stopping you to go, "Hey, aren't you the General?"

Jono did not walk into the building so much as he stomped in, scaring the hell out of a hearth witch who had been sweeping there. He was actually somehow grumpier than usual.

Someday, he'd actually put in the money for a direct portal with no alternate-timeline stopovers along the way.

[OOC: For one!]


2014-06-05 12:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

"You're frightening the staff," Karla drawled, sweeping into the hallway minutes later. She was still dressed in her Court clothes, which were mostly a pain in the ass, but useful for the kind of entrance she'd been aiming for. "You're radiating bitchiness all over the estate. I'd've been here sooner, but I kept running into people who were either wringing their hands because the General was upset or who were on their way here to try to cheer you up or some other nonsense."

She, of course, sounded perfectly cheerful.


2014-06-05 12:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

//First one to come here to try to cheer me up gets their behind lit on fire,// Jono growled, shivering and rubbing his hands against his arms. //Bloody hell, that's some piss-poor weather out there. You'd think I'd be used to it after the war, but I didn't tend to go swimming before going out in that... that.//

He could not feel his limbs. He was already theorizing that his blood had half-frozen or something. Which... while not exactly probable, was entirely possible.


2014-06-05 12:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

"Don't worry," Karla soothed. "I told them all that's what I was coming to do." She beamed at him. "Bet you're looking forward to that, huh?"

Karla's version of 'cheering up' was not the same as other people's.


2014-06-05 12:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

No. No it was not. Jono gave her a bit of a side-eye, and then started peeling his way out of his damp leather jacket. Easier said than done, considering it was frozen stiff.


His past two days had been a very long week and a bit.

//I'll feel better once I thaw.//


2014-06-05 12:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

"Only you could get cold when you're bloody on fire." There were hands then, helping him divest himself of wet layers. Karla tsked, wrinkling her nose, and vanished the jacket. It would need to be dried and cleaned. "Though, storm like this and even Craft can be hard-pressed to keep the place warm. It sinks into the stones. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually feeling the cold or the memory of it."

Taking a small step back, she looked at him and shook her head. "You look like shit, Jono. Your skin is the color of curdling milk."


2014-06-05 12:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

//Welcome to the wonderful world of seeing me frozen to the bloody bone with my wrappings off,// he grumbled. //Casts an orange tint to everything.//

Though there was sort of something to be said for that theory he had where his body was pretty much dead anyway, he'd learned better than to mention that one to Karla... ever.

//Anyway,// he waved a hand vaguely at his chest. //Still not real fire.//


2014-06-05 01:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

"No, I mean more than normal," Karla assured him with a wide grin. It wasn't fussing if you were busting someone's balls when you did it. That was practically science! "It goes well with the drowned rat look you also have going on. Hurry up and figure out what you're leaving on so I can put warming spells on those. Your goosebumps have goosebumps."


2014-06-05 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

//Yes, well, it's cold.//

He peeled his way out of his t-shirt as well, because yes, also cold and wet, and then looked down at the balled up wad of white cotton in his hands.

What followed next, telepathically, consisted less of words and more of an incoherent mix of confusion and what would have likely been swearing if anything verbal had made its way through. His skin wasn't so much buttermilk as shifting rapidly to 'orange peel,' and those weren't so much goosebumps as little diamond scales raising up in a pattern all over.

... ?!


2014-06-05 01:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

"...You didn't run through a patch of poison ivy, did you?"

Karla was staring at the rippling skin. Jono didn't have a lot of it, which almost made the effect weirder.

"You gonna tell me this is also a color reflection?"


2014-06-05 01:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Karla was getting a look, because, first off, what did poison ivy have to do with anything? And second, the most he could actually project her way was a faint trickle of vague annoyance. And that, on its own, was more than a little distressing.

A moment later, adding to his distress, Jono was finding himself hitting the floor face-first as most of the rest of him was suddenly lost down one leg of his trousers.


2014-06-05 01:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

Everything terrible was poison ivy now. Just ask Warren.

"Jono--what?!" And then there was a brightly-colored viper looking up at her as it wiggled out from under the pile that was Jono's discarded pants. Everything about the snake said 'fuck off, dangerous,' from the color of his scales to the sharp, needle-like fangs, to the expression in its split-pupiled eyes. "Oh my gosh!" Karla gasped.


"You are the cutest."


2014-06-05 01:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yep. A look. Again. Still. Because that was about the best that Jono could do, between the fact that he couldn't speak and the fact that he was cold-blooded and freezing.

Thirty seconds ago, he was grumpy and cold. Now he mostly just wanted to nap and bite something spitefully. Not necessarily in that order.

Edited at 2014-06-05 01:33 pm (UTC)


2014-06-05 01:35 pm (UTC) (Link)

Karla was already leaning down to scoop him up off the cold floor. "Aww, lookit you," she cooed, cradling him in her arms. "Likkle snakey-Jono! So pretty! You are so very pretty!"

Yeah, so about that desire to bite...


2014-06-05 01:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ugh, being picked up. Ugh, being cooed at. Even if Jono was feeling more lethargic than he had in years, he could still react to this particular indignity.

He wasn't quite certain how he was going to react to it until his teeth were already buried to the gums in her arm.

... And then his mental processes were ticking along well enough to manage two thoughts. 'Oops' was one of them. The other was 'Teeth!!!'


2014-06-05 02:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

"Motherfucker!" Karla was screeching now, considering there was a snake attached to her arm by his goddamn teeth, pumping venom into her blood, she could feel it. "You...dick," she wheezed, doubling over as cramps hit her.

She was in pain, that wasn't about to stop her from thumping little snakey-Jon right in his little snakey nose.

"No biting," she informed him, going milk-pale herself as sweat beaded on her brow. "You are so going to regret biting me in a minute."

Being a Black Widow meant that her body metabolized poisons. But that didn't make the process easy or pain-free. "I am going to make you pay for this every minute you're a snake. There will be nuzzling, you asshole."


2014-06-05 02:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

Okay, Jono's first instinct upon having his snout thumped was to rear back and bare his fangs again. See how fierce he was? He had teeth!

Hee, teeth.

A half moment later, once his mental processes had started slowly chugging along to catch up with his baser instincts, he shut his mouth (MOUTH!) again and just kind of stared at where he had bitten her in the best approximation of horror that a snake could possibly manage.



2014-06-05 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Karla thumped him once more for good measure, hand feeling like it weighed about thirty pounds. She sank to the floor, ignoring the cold that seeped through her layers of skirts, her other hand clamping around the wound that Jono's fangs had left. The blood was still flowing freely from the cuts; she's close them with Craft in a few more minutes after everything stopped hurting.

"I'm going to dress you in doll clothes," she muttered, trying to come up with suitable threats through the fog that was her brain right now. "And put pencil erasers over your damn fangs. Heh, that'll show you."

Her arm was on fire. It felt like Jono's chest usually looked. "Wind you up in bright ribbons that clash..."


2014-06-05 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, yes, any of these things would do, Karla. Erasers and cute little dresses (that he'd just slither out of anyway) and whatever ridiculousness you wanted. Except that he was pretty obviously a dangerous snake, here, and he'd never done this animal transformation thing before and who the hell saw a viper and immediately thought, "I'm going to snuggle it!?"

The second thumping prompted another quick baring of his fangs, which again were immediately tucked away while his semi-frozen brain chugged along in an attempt to keep up with what was happening, here.

And then Jono was attempting to slither free, because getting some distance between himself and the person who kept tapping his snout seemed like the best way to keep from biting her again. And maybe the whole 'brightly-coloured venomous snake in the hallway' thing would get somebody's attention so that they could come attend to their Queen?

If only the going wasn't so damn slow. What Jonothon wouldn't give for a heat lamp right about then.


2014-06-05 02:47 pm (UTC) (Link)

Pfft. Karla was fine. Or would be fine. She just needed some more time for her body to finish neutralizing the venom.

And then he was going to get such a swat.

"Go ahead and bite me again, asshole," she muttered, blowing her bangs in an attempt to move them off her clammy forehead. "I'll turn you into a belt." Beat. "And then give that belt to Warren."

That'd learn him.


2014-06-05 02:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Noooooooo that was the worst plan. Jono would clash with all of Warren's clothes. Hopefully. Maybe with some luck he'd make Warren look utterly ridiculous and at least get some satisfaction out of the situation from whatever passed for an afterlife to snakes these days.

The 'escaping across the floor' progress was going very, very slowly. This was pretty much the worst thing ever. African snakes were clearly not made for the Glacian autumn chill.


2014-06-05 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

"Nnnnope," Karla said and Jono started sliding backwards. It was slow and unsteady going, as Karla's Craft was slow and unsteady, but finally she had him back in her lap. "You're not leaving me that easy, snakey-Jon. You did this, you're stuck with me until I get better."

She could feel the tide of the internal battle turning in her favor, but it was still an uphill struggle. Jono's venom packed a wallop, apparently.

"'Sides, if you freeze to death on this floor, you'll miss out on all of the torments I'm planning for you. It's too cold for a little snakey to be slithering around. Idiot-ass."


2014-06-05 03:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Okay, Jono had to admit, at least, that the Evil Lap was warm. Much warmer than the floor had been. But he would much rather be elsewhere. Maybe curled up by a fireplace or in a forest somewhere in the Congo...

He was going to grudgingly, and slowly, wind himself into a ball. Why was this his life?


2014-06-05 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)

Well, they could have moved to a fireplace if Jono hadn't decided to be a dick and gnaw on Karla's arm.

"Let's get something very clear," she announced, finally able to seal the wound with Craft. "You can bite me again, but this is going to be the only time that it hurts me like this. In the future, all hostilities will be met with a sharp thump to the top of your head and cold water dumped on you. We clear?"


2014-06-05 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

Jono was going to get right on top of an eloquent answer to Karla just as soon as he developed either a human larynx or his mutant power of telepathy again. Really.

As it stood, he was going to settle for tilting his head sideways to eye her while he stayed put in a little ball of half-frozen grouchiness. As one does.


2014-06-05 03:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

"Your face is stupid," she informed him, leaving a smear of blood across her skirt as she wove a heating spell into the fabric to warm Jono up further. "And I have no compunctions about thumping it to whatever kingdom is coming."


2014-06-05 03:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

Snakes were physically incapable of rolling their eyes, and that was sad.

Of course, if his face was so stupid, she wouldn't have squealed and grabbed him off the floor, spooking him into reacting with his teeth before thinking in the first place. So at least he was well aware that, if nothing else, he was still adorable.



2014-06-05 03:57 pm (UTC) (Link)

If Karla knew what he was thinking, she would be rolling her eyes.

"I'm going to wear you as a boa." She wheezed a chuckle, realizing what he'd just said. "Heh. A boa. It's funny because it's true."

Yeah, yeah. He was a viper, not a boa. But so? He'd bit her. He was lucky he hadn't been demoted to garter snake.

"And I'm going to cuddle you."


2014-06-05 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

At least she wasn't putting a rubber band around his face or something.

Jono was just sitting there now, staring up at her with the most baleful look that a tiny viper could muster. And, given the circumstances, he did the only thing a little snake really could do in reply.

He stuck out his tongue.


2014-06-05 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

"You're still an ass, snakey-Jon," Karla said, huffing another laugh.

The pain had lessened, the unnatural sweating had stopped. She didn't trust her knees entirely yet, though the cold soaking through her skirts to freeze her ass would probably get her moving in another couple of minutes. For now, though, she was content to wrap more of her dress over Jon's coils and tap him lightly on the top of his ridiculously tiny head.

"None of that. You're still in my First Circle, which means you have to set an example. No sticking your tongue. And no biting without permission."

At her, anyway.