Baffled
Jonothon Starsmore furnaceface
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The Boards, Monday Morning
Hannibal was at the Boards. Could he count that as a win? He had his ID and wedding vows in his pocket with the ring. The pocket which had caught on a closing door handle and caused the entire seam to tear.

Jono! he called mentally as he cursed out loud. Is the tailor here yet? If they could catch him to tack the damn thing together…

//It'd be nice,// Jono called back, brow furrowed into a frown as he paced in the lobby. //Since he's got my... everything. Thought we gave him a deadline for replacing that last suit.//

You know. The one that had basically been burned to cinders during the last wedding attempt.

//A tight deadl-SHITE.//

What? Hannibal asked as he gathered everything up and hurried that direction.

//It looks like an army of sodding raccoons has been through the decorations. Do we even have raccoons on the island? What eats bouquets?//

Hannibal rounded the corner to the auditorium and simply stood there, stunned, for a minute. It was a bigger mess than it had been after their last attempt, and that was saying something. "How did they even get in? Why didn't we hear anything?" Could any of it be salvaged?

Jono made a reach for one of the few almond blossom decorations that hadn't been completely destroyed.

It fell apart the instant his fingers brushed the petals.

//Christ,// he muttered, shaking his head. //We might be able to... to at least get this cleared out...? Minimalist weddings are a thing, right?//

"Maybe," Hannibal said. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Most of the chairs weren't broken, at least.

Back in the dressing room, his phone started ringing, and he hurried back to get it. "Yes?"

He listened and sighed again. "Do you have - ah, yes. Yes, thank you."

He gave Jono a grim smile. "The officiant we hired is ill. However," he held up a hand, "they are sending another."

Perhaps they should have gone to Vegas.

Jono's deadpan was mighty at that.

//Is it Elvis? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the replacement was bloody Elvis.//

Or even Bubba, the cat-eating vampire Elvis that he'd met in Sookie's world, once upon a time. Hell, at this point, he'd take Bubba.

"I didn't ask." At this point, Hannibal would take Bubba. At least the food was safely (he hoped) back at their place.

He looked around. "We clean this up as best we can, we pray the tailor arrives and see if he can fix my coat as well...we still have the rings?" He had Jono's, at any rate, and he assumed he'd have heard if Jono had lost his. "And the paperwork?" It was amazing what repeated failures would do for your standards.

//In my office,// Jono said, giving a bemused shake of his head as he left the carnage behind and made his way across the lobby again to get to the office where he kept all of his paperwork. //Should be safe and sound in th-JONI NO.//

...

//Hannibal? We have a problem.//

Just the one?

Hannibal sighed. "I'm afraid to ask." What is it?

He headed for the stairs...and slipped. Catching himself ripped his coat further, and his knee got wet in the spreading puddle that had caused it. Cursing again, he checked the fish tank they were holding things in until the tank at home was done. It had about half as much water in it as it should.

He snarled and headed for the stairs again. "All we need at this point is the -"

Paperwork.

Jono was looking maybe somewhat distraught as he scooped Joni up in his arms and cradled her against his shoulder.

//It didn't make it.//

Joni made a pitiful mew, and then started making kitty-with-an-upset-tummy noises again, prompting Jono to deposit her quickly on the floor, lest his shoulder go the way of the paperwork.

//Hannibal, it's my turn to propose to you.// He got down on both knees, clasped his hands, and looked up at him pleadingly. //Call the replacement officiant, tell them not to bother. I'll drop Joni off at the vet, we'll pick costumes from the storage room here, throw the bloody Halloween party as planned, and then never do this again.//

It was as romantic a proposal as Jono could muster, given the vomiting cat leaning against his leg.

Hannibal sighed, pulled his coat off, stuck the ring and other things in his pants pockets, and dropped the coat over Joni, wrapping her in it. "I'm beginning to believe the universe is conspiring against us."

In reply to that, Jono gave Hannibal a look that mostly just said in a tired deadpan, 'No shit.'

//Vet. Party. Alcohol. And if you so much as say the word 'wedding' at me again tonight, I won't even have to file for divorce.//

He meant that lovingly.

Hannibal held up his hands. "Vet, party, alcohol," he agreed. "I'll drink as much beer as you like." He scooped up Joni. "You might want to clean that up first, though." He nodded at the cat-vomited-on papers. He glanced toward the stairs. "Or we can call a cleaning crew for the whole thing."

This was not his fault, and he was not cleaning it up.

Jono considered that for a moment, then pulled himself to his feet, walked across the room to retrieve his wastepaper bin, and shovelled the soggy papers into it.

//I'm taking this outside and burning these,// he announced. //And then we'll order a cleaning service.//

A plan.

"And there's a leak in the fish tank," Hannibal added. "We should tape it securely so the fish don't die. Or maybe we can drop them off at the vet, too."

...

//I'll get a pail,// Jono muttered, dropping the bin on the floor again, //or some duct tape. You get a head start with Joni, and we'll... we'll just... let's start with the beer, after that.//

[OOC: Co-written with never_dull, and NFI! The wedding is, unsurprisingly, off. There'll be a Halloween party post later, though, because PartyPartyParty.]